Posted 3 hours ago
2:30 ..About a hour ago I made the hardest phone call of my life. I placed a phone call to hospice. In so many ways it feels like giving up but I haven’t. I know God can still do a miracle. I’ve been told by the nurse at IU that hospice can actually help to extend the quality and the number of days a person has left.
The Dr. at IU said that they would do radiation on the tumor in Dale’s brain but there was nothing that could be done for the rest of his body. He explained that some of the speech problems and some of the movement problems on the right side are being made worse by the tumor and radiation will shrink it and there by taking pressure off the affected parts. Then he ask Dale if he was having head aches and he said he was. He had never said that to me, never complained about anything but his leg and one time his side.
He then said that I should call Hospice. I can’t put into words what making that phone call felt like. At one point all I could do was cry! I can’t imagine my life with out Dale. I tremble to think how my life may be different even one month from now.
3:45 The Social Worker was here from hospice. Filled out the paperwork and the nurse will come in the morning.
5:15 I’ve spent most of this afternoon just lying with Dale and watching TV. At one point, in tears I ask him if he was scared…..He looked down at me with the sweetest smile and said no. I said you know when God takes us from this life we go home to be with Him. We will see each other again.
A hard situation is made terribly worse by the fact that he can’t put words together. It’s so clear to me that he knows what he wants to say and he knows when it doesn’t come out right. Several times he tried to tell me something and the words just didn’t come and then he gives up. It breaks my heart not to be able to really talk to him about how he’s feeling and what's going through his mind.
I know God had a plan and that someday we will all be together in glory. I know that we will see each other again and when we all get“home” none of this will matter. But now, I’m trying not to question God’s will for Dale’s life but I must admit I’m having trouble understanding why the last days that we will spend together may be filled with not only the heartbreak of separation but the frustration over not being able to communicate.
I know I’m not alone and I know that I’m not the only to face this but……………
Please pray with me God’s will in all of this and pray that the radiation will help his words be clearer.
God, I know your watching and I’m trying to be strong. Help me to walk with your courage and to stand and face my enemy in your power! In you I will stand. I love you love and I know the only one who loves Dale more than me, is you.
Our granddaughter Alicia is in the hospital right now, in labor, giving life to our first great-grandchild! Praise Jesus!