Sunday, October 16, 2011

The River of Pain

I am not afraid of the river of pain,
the sinking feeling;
the drowning lost whirling,
It comes to me and I flow with it now,
and do not fight.

I relish the place that it takes me,
I wait for it,
To make me whole.

The cuts from the sharp river bottom,
that make me bleed,
Cringe at my base earthly parts of me,
Who I am under the mask,
So ugly and real,
so unabashedly raw and animal.

I feel very small,
Like a tiny speck of nothingness,
My head drops and I feel the rush of sadness,
sweeping over me;
taking my breath away,
realizing that is all there will ever be.

My disappointment in myself,
for my complete abandon,
My ability to fumble and disgrace myself,
My every move, my unbelievable aptitude at being stupid.

I am unashamed
and naked to it
rolling with it,
coursing through.

It reminds me of all I will never be,
To you.
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