Wednesday, November 24, 2010

A Glimpse of a beautiful dream

I had the most beautiful dream last night but it was cut so short because a car alarm went off right in the midst of it.

I dreamed that I saw a girl who was from Beverly Hills, Tennessee and she was so beautiful and delicate. She didn't have much growing up but she was just a pleasure to see. I didn't talk to her, I just knew her story somehow. I wish I could remember more about this but she was in line at a buffet and getting food and that is all I remember.

After that, I was in a large open universe. It wasn't a room it was all the world and I was knealing alone in this vast expanse. God was in front of me and I had the most extraordinary feeling of reverence, humility and love. Then, the car alarm went off and I woke up! Oh..I wanted to stay there so much.

It was a nice dream..after many tears, sometimes I have the most comforting dreams. This year is so difficult for me. I am not the person I used to be and I know that I will never be that person again. I grieve for myself, for my mistakes, for the pain I am causing everyone. I just live with sorrow. I don't mind it, it reminds me that I am very small and very fragile.

I am not going to say I am hopeful for the future because I know I will be stronger and I know that my future is bright. I know that I will live with this sorrow for the rest of my life. I want to believe there will be joy in there too but sometimes I can't see it, or feel it..I just feel numbness or sadness.
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