Come take a stroll down ... Bebbi~Lane

Sky full of lighters Speech for Toastmasters

2012-02-08T23:14:00.001-05:00

FIRE

Force
Ignition
Re-evaluation
And ENERGIZE!

FORCE
Yoda said “The force be with you”. I believe that each of us is like fire. Deep in our soul is a light that cannot be extinguished. Sometimes this light dims as we get involved with our lives, get caught up in unproductive endeavors or just ignore our inner flame, living for someone else and not our own hopes and dreams. Remember when you were younger and had a dream? Maybe it was to be a teacher or to play a sport and then suddenly life came along and off you went in another direction. Like the winds blow the fire around (and sometimes OUT!) so does our flame get diverted away from our aspirations.

I am asking you to become the Force in your life and put the FIRE back in it. If we want this world to change we have to do as Michael Jackson says and take a look at the “Man in the Mirror”.

Force yourself to take a look at your inner light. Is it burning strong? Are you going in the direction you want to go in your life? I, personally, have taken this journey and have learned that I was not going where I wanted to with my life and I took the initiative to change. You are never too old to change if you still take a breath every day.

IGNITE
Which leads me to IGNITION. Ignite yourself. And no, this doesn’t mean pour gasoline on yourself and set yourself on FIRE. You are needed in this world, please don’t do that! How DO you ignite yourself? First, take a look at your life. Do you watch too much television, get impatient with your children, ignore your spouse, get angry with your parents, put off doing things that you know will help you? Ignite your heart to help you change the things that are important to you. You do not have to live in anger, jealousy, hate, negativity or feel like your choices control you and not that you control your choices! A lot of these negative drafts are created because we are living in a box. I say burn the box!

Light up your personal desires and needs. Take a look around. You cannot see in a dark room without a light. You cannot open up a dark life without putting it out into the light.

One example of this is when my sister first moved to Louisville we had spent many years being “phone” sisters. I lived in DC and she lived in California. When she moved here we did not get along as well. I realized after we spent almost two years not talking that we couldn’t “fix” it by ourselves. I knew that having my sister was more important than being “right”. So, I called her up and asked her to meet me for a dinner. We talked and I told her that I loved her and that I really wanted to have a relationship. I told her that if she would be willing we could go to therapy to learn how to interact as sisters. She agreed to go. We met and were able to figure out a way that we could live and enjoy each other as sisters. So, ANYTHING can be changed, if you set your mind to how you want it to be and work toward it, it’s YOUR choice.

RE-EVALUATE
Choices mean Re-evaluation! Re-evaluate your life. What would you like to do? Lose weight, eat healthy, write, play an instrument, read poetry, have better relationships with family and friends, find your true life partner, learn a new language, get your degree, help others? It’s never too late. Taking charge of what you want to do empowers you and makes your light stronger! I personally have made many changes in my life in the last 5 years. I stopped watching television regularly, lost 100 lbs, I am “almost” vegetarian, and I write! I left an unhealthy relationship, I exercise more and volunteer more. When I first started, I meditated a lot on this and one of the things that kept coming to me was, “Beverly, you don’t have to do it all in a day”. Lao-tzu says a 1,000 mile journey must begin with the first step. I believe this and have taken my first step, now I have the momentum and fuel. My flame burns brighter. It just makes me want to be better every day. It is a hard journey on the path less travelled because you really have to look at yourself and say, Okay, I am failing here, I am failing there and I am not afraid to see that I need improvement here or need improvement there. Michael Jordan said, "I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." You can only just keep DOING, keep burning. Through failure, we can learn to succeed.

ENERGIZE
Success, means to ENERGIZE! Small steps, write down goals and work toward them. If you want to start volunteering, sign up for something. If you want to stop watching hours of television, limit yourself. Anything you do that doesn’t work toward your goal, you can change.

Energize means take action! If you are “bored” with coming home every night and watching television, playing video games or surfing the internet. Just do something different at first you can start by changing just 5 minutes a night. Or, sign up for that volunteer project. Go do something you always have seen yourself doing before you forgot that you had to make the choice to do it! Once you are energized the universe will bring to you all the things you desire. Happiness, health, wealth, whatever it is you seek. Because you are choosing to Energize and feed your fire!

FIRE -

In 1991, Former President George HW Bush said, “A thousand points of light”. Yes, we are a thousand points of light. Won’t you join me in igniting your fire and living like we were meant to live! If just one person listening to this or reading this is ignited and inspired to change, I will have succeeded.

Let me be the kindling to light your Fire and may the Force in you ignite many more too!
We are all a FIRE works in progress… 

Feel No Anvil

2012-01-29T22:17:00.004-05:00

Will the gates of hell open up?
I just need them to open
So I can walk in to save you,
What I don't know won't hurt me,
Actually Hell will save me
Yay, though I walk in the alley and shadow of breath
I feel no anvil,
You comfort me..

The Walking path..this shot reminds me of you

2012-01-27T10:51:00.001-05:00

Raindrops on screen with light, a photo by belaine11 on Flickr.

This shot reminds me of you...

A GEM

2012-01-26T15:39:00.003-05:00

"A wonderful realization will be the day you realize that you are unique in all the world. There is nothing that is an accident. You are a special combination for a purpose - and don't let them tell you otherwise, even if they tell you that purpose is an illusion. (Live an illusion if you have to).

You are that combination so that you can do what is essential for you to do. Don't ever believe that you have nothing to contribute. The world is an incredible unfulfilled tapestry. And only you can fulfill that tiny space that is yours." ~Leo Buscaglia

Pretty Little Branch

2012-01-24T10:08:00.003-05:00

You are such a beautiful strong tree.
I am a branch on your tree
I flow gracefully in the wind,
I am attached to the most beautiful tree on earth.
We are happy.

The winds come along and they are brisk,
The winds pick up and storms come;
I break off from you,
I am terrified.

I am on the ground,
Someone comes along and picks me up,
I nestle with other fallen pieces of you,
I am fire for a moment
The fire hurts as I burn.

I am smoke
Billowing up through a dark tunnel.
I am in the air
Flowing along gracefully again
I am the wind
Caressing your beautiful branches.
We are happy.

Elizaveta - 'Meant' Live At Nokia Theater

2012-01-20T08:12:00.000-05:00

Fiddler

2012-01-05T21:51:00.002-05:00

You are the fiddler of strings,
You know how to pluck each chord
Making beautiful music
Your music sings and reaches me
You are the fiddler of strings
You play the music
That pulls at my heart.

You are the fiddler of strings
You know the music that makes my heart sing
You are the fiddler of strings
You pull at my heart.

You are the fiddler of strings
You are able to make perfect music
You are the fiddler of strings
You are in my heart.

(Image - Random Internet Find)

Questions and Answers

2012-01-05T21:44:00.002-05:00

Does the water cry when it goes down my throat?
No, it rejoices in the replenishing and fulfillment of my body.

Does the chicken cry out as it is being slaughtered?
No, it has no voice to cry out. We are its voice.

Does the chicken feel joy in the replenishment of my body?
Yes, in nature and No, in life.
What we do, how we treat that which sustains is how we treat ourselves.

Does the disregard we have for all beside our own affect us?
Yes, in life and No, in nature.

Does this question you in wrong or right?
Maybe, it's a gray area.

How do we bless that which gives of itself for the benefit of our life?
Have we seen all that blesses us and show are reverence back to it?
How do we honor this?
Am I? Are You?
All I can do is try and awaken.

Brother Fire

2012-01-01T20:13:00.003-05:00

Forgive me Brother Fire,
As I move away from you,
I have to go and write down these words
Before they are gone too:

Brother Fire misses us,
We, the humans, we’re his friends
He needed us and we needed him.
We now are away,
Not many coming to sit ‘round,
Brother Fire, I am here,
His pleasure is found.

Brother Fire, Let me tend to you,
I want to feed you, Care for you,
Make you strong,

In return, you provide me warmth and lick my skin,
Your touch sometimes too much, and I have to move away,
But you know and I know, I am here to stay.
Brother Fire, I don’t understand why many others have gone,
They do not realize that the love from you is so warm.
Brother Fire talks to me and tells me about the olden days,
When all humans would sit around while he would blaze.
Brother fire tells me my future while I sleep,
Nestled on a pillow lying at his warm feet.
He tells me that all I ever wanted is mine,
That all this is from the great divine.
He knows that he is not left behind.
But a few more friends would suit him just fine.

I stir, and he smiles,
I pick up my stick,
I poke him and prod him and he gets thick.
He snaps as he moves, he pops as I feed him,
He loves my gentle touch and he knows that I need him.
His embers are kisses, his flames are his beauty,
He keeps me the warmest, his honor and duty.
He told me to tell everyone hello,
He asked me to ask you, “Where did you go?”
You sit in front of your blueness and stare and stare,
Until there is nothing left here or there,
He wonders, “Don’t you get cold in your underwear?”

Hearts and Healing

2011-12-30T10:43:00.004-05:00

It broke my heart.
It broke my heart to have to move away from you because I was losing myself.
It broke my heart.
It broke my heart to understand that my heart needed to be broken by you.
It broke my heart.
It broke my heart to not feel strong enough to save you.
It broke my heart.
It broke my heart, I don't blame you, I don't blame me...
It broke my heart
It broke my heart and scattered it into the universe.

It's sad to think I will always be alone, but not as sad as it was when I first thought it... the pain subsides as the reality sets in. And through all this I smile and feel more love for ALL than I have ever felt in my life.

A broken heart, healing is a gift from God.

Scorpions - Wind of change

2011-12-30T09:12:00.000-05:00

Illusion's Mirror

2011-12-23T23:51:00.003-05:00

Do not fall for me
I am not what will replenish you,
I am an illusion built in to remind you,
Do not fall for me,
I will not be able to give you what you need,
I am just a rumination of you.
Do not fall for me,
I am not worthy of such divine love,
In the looking glass of life.
Do not fall for me,
I can’t pick you up.
I am only an expression of you.
Do not fall for me
I am only a mirror,
Reflecting you,
Illusion.

Weave the Cocoon

2011-12-17T11:18:00.001-05:00

Women,
We wind our cocoon so tightly, engulfing our little ones and living in peace as we create our children’s lives,
We hold everyone so close and let go of our self so much that we forget who we are.
This is how it should be.
Winding the threads of our nest, knitting and sewing and encircling and feeling the joy of the moment.
We thrive, we weave, we thread, we get lost in our ability to create our nest.
Forever the weavers of dreams, hopes, love, happiness, fulfillment, enlightenment.
Not for ourselves, but for those around us,
Those that we “love”,
Those that we hold dear.
We can do this for anyone, but we choose to weave our nests tightly,
Encompassing the ones we focus our attentions on,
Encompassing everyone that we see,
Encompassing the world,
Encompassing the universe,
Encompassing our self
Again,
Rinse and repeat.

Khalil Gibran "The Prophet"

2011-12-12T14:41:00.000-05:00

Brown Door

2011-12-11T22:22:00.002-05:00

The Brown Door
There is a brown door that separates the us from the them.
We have been on both sides of that door.
We have lived on both sides of that door.
We have cried on both sides of that door.
We have learned, there are no us and them,
It’s just a door, and it can open.
There is a brown door that separates the us from the them.
It doesn’t separate the pain.
It doesn’t separate the strain.
It doesn’t separate the brain.
We’ve been on both sides of that door,
We can turn the handle,
We can push the door open,
We can step over the threshold,
Come on over,
Let’s hug.
It’s scary on both sides.
To our understanding,
That’s the key.
It doesn’t have to be.
Just Push.

Weep Like A Willow

2011-12-02T23:59:00.004-05:00

Do not weep for me Weeping Willow
Weep for the long years of suffering
Weep for the misunderstandings of why we are here,
Weep for the lost and the broken
Weep for the loves lost
Weep for the earth and the flowers and the trees

Weep for the sky we torture with our blindness
Weep for the river we pollute with our carelessness
Weep for the ground we abuse with our emptiness
Weep for the animals we kill, including ourselves
You stand so lovely and silently weeping,
I touch you and you are cold,
Alone, Weeping and Cold
And yet you stand,
A tribute in how to weep.
I will Weep like a Willow.

Music to my Inbox

2011-12-01T13:17:00.003-05:00

I am the conductor of the copier orchestra,
Just watch my masterful touch.

The copier plays its scanning tunes with a flick of my wrist,
to lead the notes and such.

Jam sessions rock my socks.
It's music delights my in box.

Holding Up

2011-11-25T17:35:00.005-05:00

I held you up.
While I was crumbling and collapsing,
with the weight of us.
I held you up.
When I begged you to see my frailty,
You laughed, "What are you trying to be, smart?"

I was never the victim.
I was the willing partner to lifting you up
Until I fell so far and so hard that I landed,
In God's heart.

Finite Days

2011-11-09T10:45:00.004-05:00

We only have so many days.
The actual number is a haze.
But, they are finite.

Spend one day recovering from another day's play.

Spend one day showing someone the way.

Spend one day helping another one's pain.

Spend one day relaxing and feeling drained.

Spend one day dancing in the rain.

Spend one day trying to keep sain.

Spend one day that you don't have to explain.

Spend one day filled with a plan.

Spend one day with a woman or a man.

Spend one day cooking in a pan.

Spend one day, but don't count the days till the end.

Just spend one day because you have it to spend.

Light Bulb Moments

2011-10-26T22:36:00.004-04:00

As writers, we are all afraid of plagiarism. Being accused of taking someone else's work and calling it your own just horrifies the writer. We like to feel that our thoughts are our own.

Beneath this fear is the truth of what we are really afraid of, the fear that we have nothing original or unique to contribute. The reality is: Everyone does!

It's been said over and over again in billions of different ways but you still may have in you that one way of saying something that truly connects with another spirit. That is what it's all about.

That light bulb moment.

Pieces of a Puzzle

2011-10-21T14:08:00.002-04:00

We are all just pieces of an extremely intricate puzzle. Each piece just as important as the next. Some pieces are big, strong, wordy. Other pieces are small and simple. No piece can be whole without the rest.

Angel Flight (Radio Tower Remix) - w/ Lyrics

2011-10-20T13:20:00.000-04:00

We will remember you always..

Stationary

2011-10-19T19:42:00.002-04:00

I had a thought that my words were not my own.
But, who’s are they? Who else is sitting here typing,
Wondering who’s writing down these thoughts.
And is it allowed to say them aloud?
Who’s in charge of who says what when to whom?
Not me, my words are not my own.
My words are not for me,
They are for you.
I give them to you, free and clear.
Enjoy them. Please. I don’t want them anymore once they come out.
Spilling across the page like wet, warm liquid,
Soaking up the paper and devouring it.
The paper is what I want,
Crisp, clean, unused, ready to be written,
Always, I have loved stationary,
For as long as I can remember,
Pen Pals,
hours spent looking at the stationary in the drug store,
All the different kinds,
Thicker, thinner,
Floral, Festive,
Fun.
Paper-clean, white ready to be used.
It’s going away,
Paper is..
Soon.

Think of me as a piece of paper,
Crisp, clear, ready to be written,
That is what I want to be,
Just a piece of paper,
Waiting for your masterpiece.

Forced Draft

2011-10-18T15:34:00.003-04:00

I am not a fan, I am forced draft,
An uplift in a time when you might need it.
Wind lifting the sails in your raft.

Wings, Planes, Blades, deltas,
Vane, section, blower, fin.

Bare, naked, alive and raw
Living like I have never lived,
Living out loud and proud.
Inspired.

Not hiding behind the lies,
The masks,
Not hiding behind the lies,
And tasks.

Letting the coursing hot blood flush my face,
And living anyway, without disgrace.
You will not shame me into not being who I am,
Ever again.

You are a mean, cruel and heartless man,
Oh send me there ..again and again,
With your pictures that speak to me,
Of burning passion, of tingling and laughing,
And of a quiet wanting,
An endless need,
Send me there again, and again, and again..
You heartless man.

Please.

The River of Pain

2011-10-16T20:13:00.007-04:00

I am not afraid of the river of pain,
the sinking feeling;
the drowning lost whirling,
It comes to me and I flow with it now,
and do not fight.

I relish the place that it takes me,
I wait for it,
To make me whole.

The cuts from the sharp river bottom,
that make me bleed,
Cringe at my base earthly parts of me,
Who I am under the mask,
So ugly and real,
so unabashedly raw and animal.

I feel very small,
Like a tiny speck of nothingness,
My head drops and I feel the rush of sadness,
sweeping over me;
taking my breath away,
realizing that is all there will ever be.

My disappointment in myself,
for my complete abandon,
My ability to fumble and disgrace myself,
My every move, my unbelievable aptitude at being stupid.

I am unashamed
and naked to it
rolling with it,
coursing through.

It reminds me of all I will never be,
To you.

Where I am kneaded the Most

2011-10-06T10:46:00.004-04:00

When I am done here,
I want to go where I am kneaded the most.

Let my energy flow through the river and into the sea.

Let my energy flow into the wind and through the breeze.

Let my energy flow up to the sun to warm and delight.

Do not mourn me,
I will be where I am kneaded the most.

Napkins and Toilet Paper

2011-09-22T10:33:00.003-04:00

We have a napkin
and toilet paper
and say we are civilized.

In the meantime,
we can't even
look into each other's eyes.

We have buses, trains, planes
and fancy cars with gears,
but we ignore each others
need for ears.

How civil of you
to ignore me.
How kind of you
to exploit me.

Who is ignorant?
The wise man with all the cash,
or the cashier who depends on
the abundance of nature's stash?

God knows the answer
that's why he said
the meek shall inherit.

It's not without merit,
that people who make the laws
abuse them for their own gain.

Where it will get them is plain,
...to the ignorant and the meek,
who have humbled themselves to the richs of heaven.

Don't think that giving it all away in the end,
will earn you a place when the light starts to bend.

Start with compassion, kindness
humility and grace.

End with nothing but a smile on your face.

Random Tuesday

2011-09-20T09:21:00.001-04:00

On some random Tuesday,
I may write the poem of my heart,
On some random Tuesday,
I may find a place to start,

On some random Tuesday,
I may heal.
On some random Tuesday,
Again, I may learn to feel,

On some random Tuesday,
I will overcome the pain,
On some random Tuesday,
Things will start again,

On some random Tuesday,
You may see me new,
On some random Tuesday,
We will not feel blue.

On some random Tuesday,
A song will be created,
On some random Tuesday,
We will be satiated,

On some random Tuesday,
Someone will die,
On some random Tuesday,
Someone will come alive.

On some random Tuesday,
I will think of you.
On some random Tuesday,
You will think of me too.

On some random Tuesday,
You will call,
On some random Tuesday,
We will have it all.

Sweet and Pungent

2011-09-19T12:05:00.001-04:00

I want to be the blessed meal for your soul,
Let me show you a love so true,
I will be the blessed feast,
That carries love from my breast to yours.
Take small bites and savor gently the sweet tastes,
Knowing that this spirit cannot be replaced.

I want to be the wine that slides gently past your lips,
Let me pour my love out on you,
Smoothly and with hearty flavor, you drink me in,
Feeling the sting and the power of my fermenting,
Drunk with the pungent fragrance and sweetness.

I Smiled at You This Morning

2011-09-01T08:45:00.002-04:00

I smiled at you this morning,
You were standing there,
Waiting on the bus,
Among about 8 people,
Mostly, not looking outward,
Focusing inward,
I smiled at you this morning.
You smiled back!

Walk Away

2011-08-31T10:07:00.001-04:00

The hardest thing I ever had to do,
Was walk away from you.

The day I did,
I walked away from myself too.

I walked away from the part of me that I could never understand,
The part of me that didn’t want to be my friend.

I didn’t walk away from all of you,
Just the part that you didn’t know,
Just the part that was lost in the dark,
Just the part, not the whole of you.

You’ll always be in my heart,
That brilliant side,
That wonderful, dependable, smart,
Healthy, happy you.

Like the Sun, You Shine.

2011-08-30T09:08:00.002-04:00

I need you in my life,
Because, I love you.
You remind me that love is not meant to be “had”,
It is meant to be given,
As I give it to you,
I feel it in return,
From so many,
I want you in my life forever,
Please stay for a while,
Please allow me to feel you,
In my heart and in my smile.

You are my light,
As I wanted to be yours,
You are mine.
You help me shine,
I didn’t know that when I met you,
But you’ve entranced me since the feast!
I love you.

You are not mine alone,
You are for so many,
You could never be just for one,
Like the Sun, you shine for any,
Who have a need,
Who can’t find love,
Who are in pain,

My heart is yours,
Its always been.

Almost

2011-08-29T14:53:00.002-04:00

My first published open mic video..thank you to my good friend, Matthew Presley for taking it. Great job! Also, thank you to Joe Dinki for the wonderful words! :)

Entropy - From http://entropydefinition.com/

2011-08-11T11:38:00.003-04:00

Copying these words so I can read this more thoroughly later. This word has been coming into my life a lot lately...I like this definition because it also tells the human/normal/lay person's views of the word.

Now I know why it is important..from this article..thank you www.entropydefinition.com.

"TRY TO REDUCE THE DISORDER THAT WE CAUSE DAILY"

I love words.

Entropy – a word that sounds scientific, technical and confusing, isn’t it? Yes it is. At least the definition says so. But no one wants to know what a thing means, the sole concern is how it matters in our lives. And yes, you found the right corner of the web. The word might sound somewhat specialized but is having deeper meanings. Going by the definition, entropy means anything, or rather that form of energy that cannot be used for any useful work. A lot of scientists and engineers have blabbered a lot about this. Some of them found this relating to the second law of thermodynamics, some of them are still involved in finding newer domains and some will keep killing their time discovering anything related to entropy that might fetch them a Nobel. Not here. We are not reading this article because we are science lovers or engineers or professors. There are a lot of shelves in the libraries with piles of sheets related to this topic only.

We are common people. Entropy should be understood in a way that it looks more practical to our day to day lives and more feasible to approach towards. Let’s create a definition of our own. Entropy can well be defined as the lack of order that gradually results into a disorder or decline. Now more like it, isn’t it? This lack of order can be anywhere; in some silly car engines, some never stopping radiators, or in a more prominent subject – our lives. This is what drives us; Order. This is what results us to find a day off to have some time alone. This is what allows us to find some time to read articles like these. An order drives the personality of an individual. It drives a human being. And it is not difficult to understand that this lack of predictability only is the sole reason for every chaos we are a part of.

Entropy might have found a newer scientific definition today, but it has been there on this planet since the evolution of life. This disorder was the only reason why this only lively planet of the entire solar system had to witness two of the greatest wars. This disorder only was the prime reason of the great mishap of 9/11. US still need to recover from that economic blow. The disorder is somewhere there – deep down our inner self. This is the reason of all the disorder in one’s life.

We never blame our self for the mess we made out of our lives. Everyone finds a shoulder to shoot from, to blame everyone else but himself. There is this entropy present in every single individual on Earth. This lack of order is resulting into more disorder. Thinking about the impacts that this entropy has left in this human race, it is better I stop myself now. The unfortunate events will take millions of words to be written on paper. What is more feasible is to remain intact to the original definition and try to reduce the disorder we cause daily.

The website says: Devoloped by Technonile Information Systems. I want to be sure to give full credit to this site. Wish I knew the author!

Walk Kansas Encouragement - Pick Yourself Up, Dust Yourself Off, Start A...

2011-08-10T09:01:00.000-04:00

It's Not That Kind of Love

2011-07-18T16:39:00.003-04:00

It's not that kind of love.
It's the kind that when I think of you,
I wish there was more I could do.

It's the kind that knows with a certainty true,
That our love is the most violet shade of blue.

It's the kind of love that words make useless.
It's the purety of heart that flows into the river of always.

It's the kind of love that is like a stitch,
And binds us together in the fabric of life.

How to say goodbye?
Stick a needle in my eye.
It would hurt less.

SRV-Tightrope

2011-07-15T15:38:00.000-04:00

The Word Spoken at Derby City Espresso [Downtown]

2011-07-14T16:09:00.001-04:00

I spoke my pieces at this event. Great Venue and wonderful people. If you click on the link you will see a picture of the performers (including me!). :) Enjoy the article...

The Word Spoken at Derby City Espresso [Downtown]

I believe

2011-07-14T00:05:00.001-04:00

I believe

I believe in the things unseen,

I believe in the feelings in my soul,

I believe the clouds have eyes.

I believe what we think is real, are lies.

I believe in the tingle in my heart,

I believe it’s all there to see,

I believe the spiral connects,

I believe we all know this,

I believe we forget.

Fishing

2011-07-12T23:33:00.002-04:00

Fishing

The hook, the bobber, the sinker, the pole
The lines, the tension, the string, the goal,
Early rising, into the morning,
The mist of the river floats softly to the shore,
The crisp water snapping with life,
The intimate action of stringing the pole,
Preparing it for the day,
Readying the rod in anticipation of the cast,
Bringing in goodness for sustenance,
Fulfilling,
Feelings of triumph,
Feelings of joy,
Feelings of love,
Reeling it in.

Back and Forth

2011-07-07T11:14:00.025-04:00

I go back and forth in my life right now. Sometimes I feel that I want a companion to talk to, tell the little things and listen to them, a natural give and take. Not having that for so long has been difficult. Even when I was in my past relationship I didn't have that because it was always about him, his life, his addictions, what he wanted to do and how he felt. I took all of my emotions and put them aside and never dealt with them.

You cannot turn away from yourself so long and not have consequences. The belittling, the pain of not being listened to, the general dislike, the negativity, the drug use, the verbal abuse, the manipulation and the narcissism it all creates the perfect storm and an incredible implosion when reality sets in.

But this time, I will find a companion who is not lost in what drugs he can take and what dress he can pick out to make himself feel better. I will pick someone who is like me, who feels better when they know that the person that they're with is happy and feels good. And, they have enough self left in them to appreciate someone else like I will appreciate them! I will find someone who believes every day, waking up and sharing another day together is the most precious gift.

I am not saying I am perfect but I have a positive attitude, a strong mind and I understand the importance of loving. I understand clearly, you must give love to receive it. Also, when you don't receive it back, have enough kindness for yourself to move on. Everyone deserves love and respect. It starts with loving and respecting yourself.

I miss the most just having someone to call and say, "Hey, can you listen to me, can you just hold me for a minute until I feel better". That soft place for a soul to fall. That is what I've been missing and yearning for in my life for many years now. That was the void I was trying to fill.

It's not just going to be any "body" though. This time around, I am going to give myself and the other person the time we need to understand and know each other. While I am looking I am going to practice patience and kindness. I am not going to have expectations. I am just going to observe and learn.

So, I go back and forth..sometimes appreciating my time alone and other times, like when the darkness sets in, hugging my pillow and lost in my tears...

I'll get through this, you just watch.. I am strong and proud of myself and I love myself. I've come a long way baby! I forgive my past and move forward with faith and love.

Independence Day

2011-07-04T11:58:00.002-04:00

I had a dream last night 7/4/2011

I was driving my car really fast and came up to a bank and flew across it, just like in the big action movies. I stopped because another car was also moving fast and didn’t make it. I got out and went over to help them out.

Lying in a ditch were a man and a woman and two boys. The boys were babies. When I went down in the ditch and tried to help them. The female said she was from South Africa and the male said he was from Australia. They were here in the U.S. together but they didn’t want anyone to know they were together. I helped them get their son. I thought I saw two children but they said there was only one.

After I went to help them to go to the hospital I got in my car to leave. In the car was the other boy. He had Downs Syndrome and I thought he was dead. His little body was bloated and blue. I handed him to the paramedics. They thought he was dead too. But, as I handed him over there was a tiny bit of movement. We were all surprised. They worked hard and were able to bring him to life again.

He went to the hospital and got well. I adopted the little boy and then had the flash of my life playing out with him and how much fun we had. He was a gift to me from the couple who only wanted their healthy son.

Freud said that people in your dreams are representative of yourself. The young baby who almost died and has Down Syndrome is me. It is the part of me that almost died when I was living under a cloud of dust that was not meant for me to live under.

Now that the cloud of dust has dissipated and is gone from my life, I can be the person I want to be. I can laugh, play and enjoy my life in the peace that is meant for all to enjoy their life. I can embrace who I am and what I believe and not have to live under the thumb of another’s dreams, beliefs and ideals.

This day is really my independence day.

Peaches

2011-07-03T21:34:00.004-04:00

My heart has the tenderest spot for even the peach that happens to fall from the tree.
We are all like the peaches,
There are so many of us.
Some with worm holes,
Others grown on a branch that gets broken,

Still others left on the vine to rot.
I would rather be the fruit, tenderly eaten with love,
Than be the fruit that goes to waste in the garden.
Let me be the fruit that is enjoyed to my fullest,
Before my return to this earth.
We are all from the earth and go back to the earth,
While we are hear may our fruit be the sweetest and most loving.
And may every bite be enjoyed!

Inside of Me

2011-06-30T14:37:00.005-04:00

There is a secret place inside of me.
It is quiet and graceful;
Touched by the love & light of angels.

This soft & wonderful garden
Reflects out to the world around me.
It creates the beauty in every touch,
smell, sound, feeling, and vibration.

There is always beauty to be found in everything.
First it starts in the dark quiet place inside each of us.

Closer To Believing - ELP (lyrics)

2011-06-21T10:24:00.000-04:00

Wow.

The Moment Of Peace...

2011-06-20T16:38:00.000-04:00

Jorma Kaukonen with Tom Hobson - Genesis - Quah (1974)

2011-06-20T11:25:00.000-04:00

This is a nice one..hadn't heard it in a while...

Peter Paul and Mary, 500 Miles

2011-06-20T09:42:00.000-04:00

Lord I'm One, Lord I'm two, Lord I'm Three, Lord I'm four...Lord, I'm 500 miles from my home.

One Father

2011-06-19T00:21:00.003-04:00

One father sits by his daughter’s bedside;
And reads a story.
One father sits beside his daughter’s hospital bed;
And provides comfort.
One father works hard all day;
And provides food and shelter.
One father teaches a child to ride his bike;
And provides support.

One Father watches it all;
And smiles.

One father beats his son until there are bruises;
And causes scars for life.
One father drinks until he no longer can differentiate between right and wrong;
And rapes his daughter.
One father abandons his son or daughter;
And leaves a hole forever.

One Father watches it all;
And a tear slips down His cheek.

What can one father do?
What kind of father are you?
Is it hard to read what one father could do?
Is it hard to see the choice is in you?

Donovan - Wear your love like heaven.

2011-06-15T16:21:00.000-04:00

Prayer of St. Francis,(Make Me A Channel of Your Peace) sung by Angelina...

2011-06-14T16:04:00.000-04:00

And to love as to love with all my soul...
Make me a channel of your peace..

This is beautiful.

Quotes on life, peace, the mind...Buddha,Einstein,Tolle

2011-06-13T11:56:00.000-04:00

Ian Brown - Sister Rose - Lyrics

2011-06-10T12:27:00.000-04:00

Free That Girl,
The One That Glows She Knows,
She Rules The World,

Free That Girl,
The One That Glows She Knows,
She Rules The World,

She Said Call Me Sister Rose,
I’m At War With All These Posers And These Frauds,
I Want ‘Em Out,
Let Freedom Reign,
Let Hope Stand Firm On Fields Of Doubt,

Then She Led Me By The Hand,
And Took Me To The Promised Land,

Free That Girl, The One That Knows She Glows, She Rules The World,

She Said I’m Just Like A Rose,
I’m Beautiful And I Can Hurt You With My Thorns,
Don’t Squeeze Too Tight,
‘Cos I Can Blow Up In Ya Face Like Dynamite,

She Said Call Me Sister Rose,
I’m At War With All These Posers And These Frauds,
I Want ‘Em Out,
Let Freedom Reign,
Let Hope Stand Firm On Fields Of Doubt,

Then She Said Take Me By The Hand,
As I Can Lead You To The Promised Land,

She Said I’m Just Like A Rose,
I’m Beautiful And I Can Hurt You With My Thorns,
Don’t Squeeze Too Tight,
‘Cos I Can Blow Up In Ya Face Like Dynamite,

She Said I’m Just Like A Rose,
I’m Beautiful And I Can Hurt You With My Thorns,
Don’t Squeeze Too Tight,
‘Cos I Can Blow Up In Ya Face Like Dynamite,

Van Morrison - In The Garden

2011-06-10T12:14:00.000-04:00

This song means something to me. I don't share it a lot and haven't listened to it in a while... but it came up today..

In the garden...

Carly Simon - You're So Vain

2011-06-07T14:33:00.000-04:00

You walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht...

You had one eye in the mirror...

Paul Simon - Love and Hard Times

2011-06-06T14:46:00.000-04:00

This is beautiful...

3,5,1,0

2011-06-05T22:22:00.001-04:00

Into the room,
So small she lay;
Silent, sleeping, fragile;
Upon Waking;
The pain and torment in her eyes
“5 Times” She said,
This is the 5th,
“I thought I wouldn’t make it”.
3 months, 5 times,
3 months,
5 times
1 life.
No.
0.

Bobbie Gentry - Ode To Billie Joe

2011-06-03T12:58:00.000-04:00

It was the third of June another sleepy duster down today..I was out chopping cotton and my brother was bailing hay....

Way Over The Rainbow: The Donkey In The Well!

2011-06-03T10:59:00.000-04:00

I wanted to share this story.. to remind all of us to keep shaking off the dirt...

Way Over The Rainbow: The Donkey In The Well!: "This is one of my favorite stories. One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tri..."

Jack Johnson - Upside Down [Lyrics]

2011-05-31T10:29:00.000-04:00

Ian Thomas - Right Before Your Eyes

2011-05-31T10:05:00.000-04:00

The Verve-Bittersweet Symphony Lyrics

2011-05-27T15:43:00.000-04:00

The dream where we are blending in peacefully was so very nice.
My simplicity might be an asset,
I do not have to be a complex being to be perfect in the eyes of God,
God enjoys simplicity.

It makes me sad to be so simple,
I always wanted to be so profound,
Simplicity to means means stupidity,
Plain & Simple.

But maybe I am easy to understand
And that's okay after all.
Why should I cry about being simple,
I can't change my mold,
And He likes it.

TreeStory: Planting the Seed

2011-05-26T09:58:00.000-04:00

I love Trees!

George Harrison Tribute - Beware of Darkness

2011-05-26T08:45:00.000-04:00

This I believe project

2011-05-25T14:06:00.000-04:00

Surrender, Surrender...

2011-05-18T10:43:00.003-04:00

I will always surrender to love.
Thank you for your wisdom and strength,
Thank you for guiding me in your firm way.
I appreciate everything about you, dark and light.
I send you my love and admiration always.

Please remember, that I will always be a kind place to fall,
As you have been for me,
Even with your kind toughness,
It is what I need.

I love you.

Filter Bubbles..wow.

2011-05-18T10:38:00.003-04:00

A Thousand Years - STING

2011-05-18T01:28:00.001-04:00

Honest as the Day is Long Junior Samples

2011-05-16T15:10:00.000-04:00

Killing Me Softly - Roberta Flack - Lyrics

2011-05-16T14:33:00.000-04:00

And there he was this young boy, a stranger to my eyes...

NEVER EVER GIVE UP IN LIFE !! ..Derek Redmond

2011-05-16T13:34:00.000-04:00

Think different

2011-05-16T10:31:00.000-04:00

The ones that are crazy enough to think they can change the world, do~!
I am crazy enough to change the world..!
Mine! :) First...

Elvis Presley His hand in mine.

2011-05-16T09:23:00.000-04:00

And if I fall, I know He'll understand.
Till the day He tells me why He loves me so, I can feel His hand in mine, that's all I need to know.

Line Across the Moon

2011-05-14T08:59:00.002-04:00

There is a line across the moon tonight;
It divides the light from light;
Two sides of the same;
Yet different in name;
Both content in where they are;
Connected not near or far;
One chooses commerce and cacophonic noise;
The other strolling on the aesthetic line;
Walking, working, wandering, writhing, writing;
This is perfectly sublime.

Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour #1

2011-05-11T14:51:00.000-04:00

Roger Waters - Dogs (2/2) (live)

2011-05-10T09:55:00.001-04:00

Roger Waters - Dogs (1/2) (live)

2011-05-10T09:55:00.000-04:00

Roger Waters - Mother - Rose Garden Portland, OR 2000

2011-05-10T08:55:00.000-04:00

2011-05-08T22:26:00.001-04:00

Holy Alchemy of the Apathetic Soul

The Alchemy of your soul
Trans muter of Dreams
Vehicle of life
Boat that carries you to the safer shore
Liver of Life
Allowing;
Flowing
Nurturing;
Strengthening
Blessing quietly with forbearance and fortitude
Stouted-hearted and solid;
Steady,
Complete,
Silence.

The tree that you lean your head on for a moment of quiet sustenance,
Feeling the strength;
Spirit building up,
Tolerance with reserve
Free Standing
With Esteem in the unattachment,
You learn to become,
Knowing the fragility of life;
Understanding vulnerability,
And heed the dispensation,
The sanctity of neutrality is the clearing of duality.

Omar Akram-Passage of the heart

2011-05-04T15:38:00.000-04:00

Bruce Springsteen - Jungleland (Main Point 1975-02-05)

2011-05-04T08:17:00.000-04:00

I love the last three minutes of this..just beautiful.

Caterpillars

2011-04-29T16:09:00.002-04:00

Caterpillars across the depth,
Off,
Wiggling along,
What guides them?
How do they know where they go?
Another pillar doesn't even,
much attention pay.
Just wiggle, wiggle, wiggle,
All day.

Games That Lovers Play - James Last (see info for real HD Stereo)

2011-04-27T10:59:00.000-04:00

MMMMMMMMmmmMMMmmMMMMMMMMmmm! :)

OFFICIAL Somewhere over the Rainbow - Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwoʻole

2011-04-27T10:48:00.000-04:00

This song is blissful to me.

Spirals to Heaven

2011-04-19T15:47:00.004-04:00

Lying unsheathed on the cold stone,
Through thin artifical garment,
swirling above they dance,
in the energy of my being.

Way up to the tree tops,
As they spin,
I realize,
I will die for each energy,
as they for me.

Watching them pulse and sway,
I marvel at the synchronicity,
See in these tiny examples,
the coeternal dance of life.

The spirals and twists,
coexist with the vitality and energy,
emanating from my life blood.

The blood of the lamb,
the sacrifice to the eternal being,
preparing my heart,
for the sacred feast.

Chant of Metta(Loving Kindness)

2011-04-15T15:28:00.000-04:00

The Buddha's Words on Kindness (Metta Sutta) This is what should be done By one who is skilled in goodness, And who knows the path of peace: Let them be able and upright, Straightforward and gentle in speech. Humble and not conceited, Contented and easily satisfied. Unburdened with duties and frugal in their ways. Peaceful and calm, and wise and skillful, Not proud and demanding in nature. Let them not do the slightest thing That the wise would later reprove. Wishing: In gladness and in saftey, May all beings be at ease. Whatever living beings there may be; Whether they are weak or strong, omitting none, The great or the mighty, medium, short or small, The seen and the unseen, Those living near and far away, Those born and to-be-born, May all beings be at ease! Let none deceive another, Or despise any being in any state. Let none through anger or ill-will Wish harm upon another. Even as a mother protects with her life Her child, her only child, So with a boundless heart Should one cherish all living beings: Radiating kindness over the entire world Spreading upwards to the skies, And downwards to the depths; Outwards and unbounded, Freed from hatred and ill-will. Whether standing or walking, seated or lying down Free from drowsiness, One should sustain this recollection. This is said to be the sublime abiding. By not holding to fixed views, The pure-hearted one, having clarity of vision, Being freed from all sense desires, Is not born again into this world.

Boulevard Of Broken Dreams - Green Day Official Video HD

2011-04-14T15:11:00.000-04:00

I walk alone.

Train - Hey, Soul Sister

2011-04-14T09:56:00.000-04:00

Amos Lee - "Flower" - Official Lyric Video

2011-04-13T10:39:00.000-04:00

I believe in the power of love.

Will

2011-04-11T07:42:00.001-04:00

Will Power
Free Will
Strong Will
Will we be strong in our power of Free?
Free We’ll be
We’ll be free from Power
One’s life was spent with family, God and friends..
Another’s life was spent with family, drugs and friends…
Spending freely
Spending carelessly
Willing, Ready, How does the hole get so deep that you cannot see…
Blindly following… How does the hole get so deep that you cannot see?
Will You Have the Power to be Strong, Will WE??
I will.

The Boy in You

2011-04-08T20:34:00.004-04:00

When I see you
I see the little boy,
Dreams you dreamed,
The look you have that searches my soul,
for acceptance and the approval.

The feeling it creates in me,
wanting to nurture and build,
and be that collapsible yet solid space,
for us to fall.

That kind bottomless sea of understanding,
into me sea,
All that we need,
all that we want,
always,
You don't have to pull my hair,
I see you unconditionally,
We love.

Aperture Investment Opportunity #2: "Bot Trust"

2011-04-06T10:07:00.001-04:00

My son tweeted about this..lol.. ! :) Good job Robots!

Neil Young - Walk With Me (LYRICS) +Download {New Official Music}

2011-04-06T09:56:00.001-04:00

Walk with me!

I feel the patience of unconditional love...

I'll never let you down, no matter what you do...

R.E.M. Losing My Religion

2011-04-04T13:54:00.000-04:00

That's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight losing my religion..

P!nk - Glitter In The Air (GRAMMYs on CBS)

2011-03-31T10:13:00.000-04:00

Please Pray for Dale Adney and Ellen and their new grandbaby coming in this world..one child born to carry on.

2011-03-31T08:23:00.000-04:00

Shattered Heart
Posted 3 hours ago
2:30 ..About a hour ago I made the hardest phone call of my life. I placed a phone call to hospice. In so many ways it feels like giving up but I haven’t. I know God can still do a miracle. I’ve been told by the nurse at IU that hospice can actually help to extend the quality and the number of days a person has left.
The Dr. at IU said that they would do radiation on the tumor in Dale’s brain but there was nothing that could be done for the rest of his body. He explained that some of the speech problems and some of the movement problems on the right side are being made worse by the tumor and radiation will shrink it and there by taking pressure off the affected parts. Then he ask Dale if he was having head aches and he said he was. He had never said that to me, never complained about anything but his leg and one time his side.
He then said that I should call Hospice. I can’t put into words what making that phone call felt like. At one point all I could do was cry! I can’t imagine my life with out Dale. I tremble to think how my life may be different even one month from now.
3:45 The Social Worker was here from hospice. Filled out the paperwork and the nurse will come in the morning.
5:15 I’ve spent most of this afternoon just lying with Dale and watching TV. At one point, in tears I ask him if he was scared…..He looked down at me with the sweetest smile and said no. I said you know when God takes us from this life we go home to be with Him. We will see each other again.
A hard situation is made terribly worse by the fact that he can’t put words together. It’s so clear to me that he knows what he wants to say and he knows when it doesn’t come out right. Several times he tried to tell me something and the words just didn’t come and then he gives up. It breaks my heart not to be able to really talk to him about how he’s feeling and what's going through his mind.
I know God had a plan and that someday we will all be together in glory. I know that we will see each other again and when we all get“home” none of this will matter. But now, I’m trying not to question God’s will for Dale’s life but I must admit I’m having trouble understanding why the last days that we will spend together may be filled with not only the heartbreak of separation but the frustration over not being able to communicate.
I know I’m not alone and I know that I’m not the only to face this but……………
Please pray with me God’s will in all of this and pray that the radiation will help his words be clearer.
God, I know your watching and I’m trying to be strong. Help me to walk with your courage and to stand and face my enemy in your power! In you I will stand. I love you love and I know the only one who loves Dale more than me, is you.
Our granddaughter Alicia is in the hospital right now, in labor, giving life to our first great-grandchild! Praise Jesus!

Party of Five [Bailey&Sarah] - I'll Be

2011-03-24T15:38:00.000-04:00

Party of File... I'll Be

XTC-Dear God

2011-03-24T11:25:00.000-04:00

Wow..love this!

XTC-Grass

2011-03-24T11:18:00.000-04:00

I love this song!

RaMaDaSa - Snatam Kaur - Love Vibration

2011-03-24T10:47:00.000-04:00

When I hear this song, I feel the love vibration so strong,
I send it out and on its way to those I hold near and dear to my heart,
and to all....
Ra Ma Da Sa Sa Say So Ohmm...
I love you so much.